FACT Your Admission, our Mission
Not EVERY First Date is a Winner…
But These *Almost* Were!
You’ve delivered, once again. I asked you all on the Loveawake blog, “knowing that I might use it in a blog post, what is the craziest, creepiest, weirdest, or worst thing that ever happened to you on a first date? Be sure to like your favorites!
Oh, and if you missed my post yesterday about the most traumatizing first kiss I’ve ever had, catch it here!
36 Amazing Stories that Prove Not EVERY First Date is a Winner.
1. The most amazing guy in my music theory class *finally* asked me out, and we were having a fabulous time… until we figured out that he was my cousin.
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2. It was a date set up via Match.com. I met him at a bowling alley bar with a friend. I also met his friend, aka, his baby mama. It was her birthday. And she was mucho preggos with their child. And he got mad at me that I wouldn’t go to dinner with him the next night. Um…. whaaaat???
3. I left a guy alone in my car while I ran into a store to get something on a first date. I had a bag with a dirty change of clothes from spending the night at a friends house in my backseat… The next day when I brought it in to wash, I discovered the (dirty) underwear were no longer there. He admitted to taking it and asked if he could buy any more of my dirty panties. Gross!
4. This girl tells me she only eats store bought frozen cheese pizzas, pizza pops and waffles…… Im a chef, food is my life. I couldn’t head for the door fast enough. Scariest moment of my life.
5. He used the washroom in my house and came out with his pants around the ankles and said, “I pooed and there is no toilet paper.”
6. A few weeks after that lady was found dead at beach killed by her husband my date took me for a walk on the beach and kept talking about the murder and how is it would be to pull off.
7. I went on a blind date and I couldn’t remember his name at the end of the date so I said, “you have such a wonderful name how do you spell it?” His name was Bob.
8. My date french kissed my dog. No, really! He DID! I define french kissing as active interplay involving BOTH tongues. What I witnessed definitely qualified as french kissing. He then seem surprised when I refused to kiss HIM goodnight. I don’t miss him, but I think my dog does.
9. My phone got stolen by some strippers at the table next to me and we spent the rest of the first date tracking them down. They tossed the phone in an alley and we ended up getting it back off a bum that picked it up when it was ringing. Lets just say the night ended well. An epic first date.
10. My date looked like teller from Penn and teller. Then he had purple rice in his teeth. Then was pulled over and arrested since he stole the car we were in. Three months later asked me on another date. I said no.
11. He read me his notebook of poems….emo…childhood 15 year old poems….he was 30.
12. She was a news anchor. She showed up one hour late. Interviewed me for an hour. She took me to two different stores and bought $200 in make-up after bitching out the counter girl for not knowing anything about make-up. Then we went to a shitty movie she picked. She gave me a ride after to my car and leaned over to kiss me. I shook her hand instead and ran like hell.
13. First date went to a movie, he talked the whole time, then we grabbed a burger, he had them announce on the loud speaker that he loved me.. oh hell no!. Then he said he wanted to get married because his visa was about to expire..
14. My first date after a 20 year marriage was with a VERY vertically challenged man. He totally lied about his height. I am 5’9″ and he could not have been much over 4″ tall. If that wasn’t bad enough, he kept reassuring me that he was clean of all STD’s. I am a very compassionate person and I was totally green at dating. I tried to be patient and tolerant. He kept making sexual remarks, trying to kiss me, hold my hand. After lunch he had the nerve to ask me if I shaved “down there” and did I have a landing strip. Of course, on the way back to the car I heard a male voice yell my name…it was an old boyfriend of mine. I WANTED TO DIE. In the car shorty kept reassuring me that height didn’t matter when we were horizontal and that he couldn’t wait to have his balz slapping against my chin. I drove home with my mouth hanging open….I took at least two showers that night. So bad.
15. My date and I went to a club and apparently the mens bathroom was locked for a while. So my date ran into the women’s bathroom while I was in there and ran to a stall and had explosive diarrhea! It was horrible!
16. Being taken to the cadaver lab at the medical school. Where I was not a student, but my date/neighbor was. A follow up “gift” was a a string of human teeth tied on a piece of dental floss tied to my car door handle.
17. I was on an early date at Red Lobster with someone and our waiter asked me out.
18. I was stabbed. Accidentally, the waiter tripped with the tray and everything landed on my lap. The steak knife ended up in my leg. Our dinner was comped, and the guy never called me again.
19. First date he took me ring shopping to show our commitment to each other…20. We were laying on the hood of his car star gazing in a canyon 30 miles from town (sooooo cliche, but I promise it’s true) and suddenly he looks at me and says “Aren’t you afraid to be out here alone with me?” I hadn’t been until that point…
21. Preface: his last name was Hoover. He took my hand and asked if I wanted to see ‘the Hoover maneuver.’ And no, I didn’t.
22. Went on a date with a really sweet guy just the other day. We were enjoying dinner and his mom, brother, and sister in law all showed up to “interview” me. I am 41. He is 48. They asked a lot of questions. I thought it was hilarious but he was mad.
23. Shat myself on the way to his house. Seriously…….. Never trust a fart!!!!
24. I met a guy at a sports bar to shoot pool and watch a Broncos vs. Raiders monday night game. He kept getting handsier and handsier as the night wore on and I left during the 3rd quarter. He followed me out making veiled threats…
25. While waiting for the sitter, my three year old daughter unwrapped a tampon, walked up to him very seriously and started to “wag” it at him. She proceeded to tell him that you had to be very, very careful with these things because “my Mom hurt herself BAD with one of them”. The sitter no showed and so we all went out for Mexican food; he never stopped eating despite said 3 yr old vomiting all over the table mid-meal. In retrospect, I think I’m describing HIS worst first date experience!
26. I used my pool cue like a bo staff and cracked him on the ear.
27. This guy got completely hammered, couldn’t drive himself home… I let him stay on my couch. When I woke up the following morning he was naked, face down on the floor, sprawled out and my cat was snuggled up next to him…
28. On a first date, the guy was so nervous he drank lots of tea and water. He was in the restroom a lot. After dinner we went to the movies and he fell asleep ( chick flick that he picked out) and ended up peeing himself. I left him there.
29. It counts as a first date because it was years after we dated in high school, but it’s my “best” story. An old boyfriend called me out of the blue, and we went out for dinner. All night, all he could talk about was how much he loved his ex-girlfriend and wanted her back. A few days later, he was arrested after a standoff with the police and is now serving life in prison for several felonies, including killing her new boyfriend, kidnapping and rape.
30. He took me to a strip club on a first date and introduced me to his homegirl, “Strawberry,” who offered me a warm smile and a handshake… in nothing but a g-string.
31. My date said her foot was itching so she scratched it. After a bit she put her foot in the booth to scratch it. Right before we were done eating she put her foot on the table scratched it and a piece of dried heel came off. I almost threw up I asked for the ticket and we parted ways FOREVER.32. A guy got served divorce papers while we were at the dinner table.
33. I had a guy drive me around showing me all the places he could “hide my body” then he would say, “just kidding”…first and only date with that freaking weirdo.
34. His wife showed up before our appetizer did…
35. My friend in college brought his roommate Eric over to my dorm room to meet me, thinking we’d hit it off. Eric came into my room where a bunch of friends and I were watching tv. He then got down on all fours and barked at me like a dog, barked at my friends, and crawled down the hall to bark at my RA. Thought he was on drugs, but nope that was just his weird personality! We’ve been married for 13 years and have 8 kids (3 biological, 2 adopted, and 3 on the way to being adopted)!
36. This guy bugged me for the longest time to go out with him. I told him every time that I was just coming out of a bad relationship and I just wasn’t ready to date. He finally conceded and said “friends have to eat, too,” so I agreed. Twenty minutes into the ‘friendly outing,’ he asked me to marry him! We’ve been married for nine years now…Just kidding. I faked a migraine and never saw that creeper again!
Haha.